Fear

I used to let fear stop me from doing things. I used to be so much more shy than I am now, and when things scared me my automatic mode was to cry and panic and avoid to get out of things that terrified me. This started to change for me in college and after. Instead of letting fear stop me, I started to do things in spite of the fear. And the rewards have been huge.

I was scared to go present my research in Chicago. I went, I did well, and I found a new place I wanted to live. I was scared to apply to work at Philmont and do some things I had never done before. I had the most magical summer of my life. I was petrified to move my life to Chicago and start grad school. Look how that turned out. Throughout grad school I was constantly required to do things outside of my general comfort zone to learn the skills I would need to do my job. Each time I was frightened, but every time I did one of these skills, I was less scared the next time. During this career, I am constantly challenged to stand up and become more of a leader and trust my training. It is a little scary every time. I was frightened to travel to Amsterdam by myself for my first solo trip. I have never felt so alive.  I was more scared of moving to Colorado than I have been of anything. That must mean it was the right choice. My job here. Playing volleyball here. Meeting new people and trying to make more friends. It's SCARY. I feel my heart in my throat and my stomach churning some of the time because I am so scared. I sometimes just want to go back to where the job was easier, my routine was set, volleyball was comfortable, and everything was predictable. It would definitely be easier. But I wouldn't be growing.

I can do this. I am doing this.