Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Think about your current purpose in life, and how you got here – whether it’s a place or a situation. 

I found this prompt online and thought I'd give it a try. This is such a cool question. Okay, so right now I am in an apartment in Chicago and I work as a school psychologist. How did I get here? That goes all the way back to when I was applying to colleges in high school. When I was applying to colleges I wasn't ready to go far away from home and I didn't really know anything about what I wanted--but what college senior really does? I applied to St. Mary, Avila, and Rockhurst. All small liberal arts Catholic colleges close to home. I ended up not getting a big enough scholarship to St. Mary so I ended up at Rockhurst.

At Rockhurst, I had the time of my life. Hold on---I just realized this goes back even further.

When I was 17, my grandpa took our family to Colorado. Growing up in Kansas, I had never really seen anything different than Kansas before. I had only been to Nebraska and stuff like that. All flat, all pretty much the same. I loved Kansas City and honestly thought I would probably always live there. But the moment I saw the mountains, I realized that there was so much more out there than I had ever known and from that moment on, I knew that I wouldn't be content without seeing the world and I wouldn't be content without finding out what else was out there.

Okay, back to Rockhurst. At RU, I came in as a business major, thinking I would pursue sports marketing in the hopes of working for the Royals some day. I quickly realized--business is god awful boring. I switched to psychology after having taken an incredibly interesting intro class from a great professor, Dr. Nicolai. I ended up taking an independent study with Dr. Nicolai supervising and submitted my research to the midwest psychological association conference which happened to be in Chicago my senior year. 

I definitely thought Chicago would be fun, but was convinced it would be way too big of a city for me. Yeah, sooo I was wrong again. I fell in love the minute I felt the energy of the city. I knew that I would live there one day.

A year passed with me working in KC after graduation and once I got the idea to go into school psychology after having worked with kids in a few different settings, I applied to school in Chicago. I was accepted in the winter and after having the summer of my life at Philmont (a whole 'nother blog post), I moved to the city.

You can see previous blog posts to know that the first year I was here I didn't have friends here. I learned to love the city and I learned how to be happy alone. But I am so grateful that I did meet my friends (see my last blog post). And now here I am, writing this blog post to you sitting on my couch in Chicago with my cat on my lap. 

Life has a funny way of working out in ways you sometimes don't see coming at all. 

Be open to what life sends your way. It may take you to great places.

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

William Jennings Bryan

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/destiny.html#yRCMX9epQ8McYD8E.99

taken during my first trip to Chicago

Falling in love with the mountains

celebrating two years in Chicago.

Feeling like this is home.

Gratitude

Last day in January means time for a January blog post!

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I have a lot going through my mind. Nothing bad or overwhelming, just a lot of random feelings and thoughts.

I did want to write about typical duties as a school psychologist, but now I kind of want to just write some things that cross my mind from time to time.

Like gratitude. I am SO grateful for the life I have been given and the life I am living. I was born into a wonderful family who have always been so supportive and loving and given me everything I needed. Sometimes that is enough to make me consider moving back to KC. That and the Royals finally being good. But I digress. Seriously, I am so grateful for my wonderful family. Miss you guys all the time even though I love my life here in Chicago.

I am also grateful for my friends. It took me a while to find close friends both in KC and in Chicago But when I find my close friends, I appreciate it every moment and will work to maintain those friendships. I was lucky enough to find life long friends in college after waiting for a long time for that to happen. I remember praying for close friends and waiting through high school and being lonely sometimes. So when I found them in college, it was the most amazing feeling in the world all of the time.

In Chicago, I went over one whole year without having friends in Chicago. It saved me a lot of money and gave me time to fall in love with the city and figure out how to be all alone without being lonely. But again, when I found my friends here (and luckily that friend group expands still at times), I appreciated it all the more. And every person I meet makes me into more of who I am and who I want to be.

So the point is, I love all of you and am so grateful and appreciative to have you in my life.

Which brings me to my last rambling thought. Self-forgiveness. Sometimes I do things and make choices that I feel that I shouldn't have made later. This can lead to regret. I'm trying to minimize feelings of regret and practice self-forgiveness and self-love. Every mistake I make I try to learn from so that I don't do it again.

So there you have it. Be grateful. Practice self-love and self-forgiveness. We are doing the best we can.

Frank, Liz, and me

Rene, Rocio, Ryan, and me at Jazzin' at the Shed

me and the lovely Ciara

With some of the best people I know

 This family loves the Royals!

with my champion volleyball team

at the playoff spot clinch in Chicago

traditions are the best

2014 Reflections

It has been a really really long time since I wrote on here. Life has been busy, and I have been sick way too many times. Time for some reflections and resolutions.

Definitely the hardest thing that I've dealt with this year is losing Aunt Annie. I'm still dealing with it. It did teach me to never take time with family for granted, to hug the people I love, and to be grateful for each moment.

I also ran the marathon this year. The only reason I did that was to honor Aunt Annie and raise money for the American Liver Foundation. Thanks to family and friends I surpassed my goal. I ran the marathon faster than my first by 15 minutes. It was pretty much just as tough. But once again, worth every single painful step.

Other things from this year:

Seeing the Royals clinch a spot in the playoffs in Chicago in September and meeting a few Royals fans in Chicago during the game. That was one of the best and most memorable experiences of my life. Words can't describe the feeling of watching Salvador Perez catch that foul pop up to clinch a playoff spot. I tried in my past blog post so check it out if you haven't!

OCKtober: What can I freaking say? October passed in a blue baseball blur. So many emotions. It was the most amazing ride of my life and I treasure every minute. I wish I could've been in KC and gone to a playoff game but now it all seems so much more possible. I know we will make the playoffs again, sooner rather than later, and I vow to make it to a game now that I will have more job experience and less chance of being fired for missing work. I still wish it could've ended differently (and without me sobbing in a bar), but this October was nearly everything I have always been waiting for as a long suffering Royals fan. So many new Royals fans were made. And that's pretty amazing.

I graduated! I got my Ed.S. and started working as a school psychologist. That's a huge deal and I worked really hard for it. I am still learning every single day and will keep learning every day in this job. 

I went to San Diego for spring break in March to visit Jenna. That was a really great trip and so needed after that horrible polar vortex. 

I played more volleyball than you can imagine.

I met some more amazing new people playing flag football (which I was terrible at), and matball (we're the champions!)

I grew closer with some wonderful friends.

So so long 2014. Treasure each and every moment. Don't save special things for tomorrow. Live in the now. Experience new things.

Which brings me to 2015 and some New Year's resolutions.

1. Travel somewhere new or continue to save to travel to somewhere new. (Hawaii or Italy I'm looking at you)

2. Continue to practice Italian using Duolingo

3. Go to as many Royals games as possible. They play 14 games in Chicago this year, including 3 at Wrigley Field.

4. Somehow try to change sleeping habits to get 7.5-8 hours per night. This is so freaking hard for me!

5. Run a new race (Maybe hot chocolate race?!)

I know there are more but that's all I have at the moment. Viva 2014! 

Welcome 2015. New adventures. New possibilities.

Kansas City PROUD

I need to write this down while it's still raw. I didn't know this could hurt so much. I haven't felt this much about my team in forever. When I first became a fan, I lived and died with every pitch and every game. Every loss, I took personally. I felt it to my core. After a few 100 loss seasons, I realized that this would kill me. I kept following them but pushed things aside when it got too bad.

This World Series title would've meant EVERYTHING to us. And I realize yes, it's "just a game," but it's also way more than that. It's bringing a city together, bringing pride back--I'm finally able to wear my Royals gear and know that I don't have to be defensive about it. Kansas City has been recognized as being a real freaking city. I have even more pride in where I come from. To be that freaking close and to have it slip away hurts more than I can describe. It is the most sadness and pain I have ever felt from something that wasn't life or death. And I'm glad I can feel something about this team again. But it also hurts more than you can imagine if you aren't a sport's fan. I had pictured the parade. I had pictured coming home and celebrating with everyone and seeing my team on top.

Tonight I have felt sadness and rage. I went to a different bar than the one I was at after the game and saw Giants fans. The guy who talked to me was "nice" but I couldn't even look at him. When they got up to sing and said "Go Giants!" I screamed lots of expletives and then started crying again. They were singing Journey. And that's another thing. Journey is now ruined for me since Steve Perry is a Giants fan. Which kinda freaking sucks since everyone sings "Don't Stop Believin'" at karaoke. The saving grace of the bar was my friend Christine, who I watched the game with, and a fellow Royals fan she introduced me to who had been crying alone at the bar. We hugged and cried together.

I hope I get to that place soon where I can be happy and proud for this team rather than just upset and devastated. No matter what though, I am PROUD to be  Kansas Citian and I am PROUD to BE ROYAL. The best is yet to come.

Surreal: A Blue October

It's hard to describe what this feels like to people who haven't been diehard Royals fans from the start. Having your team finally be kinda good at this baseball thing after years and years of being absolutely terrible and at best, mediocre, is ridiculously surreal. I've been spent years being self-deprecating about being a Royals fan. People would ask me what team I rooted for, especially after moving here, and I would say the Royals. But, I would usually add, on, "Yeah, I know, we're terrible." It's a defense mechanism! Make fun of yourself before someone else makes fun of you. I started following them in 2000 and used to be so diehard that I would listen to every pre and post game, all of the games, and have someone tape record the games--on a cassette tape---if I couldn't listen for some reason. I used to live and die with every win and loss. After realizing that that might kill me, I eased up a bit, but have always followed these guys.

So being in the WORLD SERIES now, means so much. I want to win it all more than anything. Right now, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride. Wish I was home in KC--hoping for a visit soon. I want to see the blue fountains and buildings lit up blue and maybe feel like this is more real. I still keep pinching myself. Meanwhile, I'll just have to go hit up one of the few Kansas City bars here in Chicago.

Royal fever

I am going to try to describe to you what it was like to watch the Royals clinch a spot in the postseason tonight.Tonight was quite possibly the best night of my life, if only because I've never felt anything like before. I decided to go to the Royals Sox game tonight alone because no one was free to go with me and there was no way I was going to miss the chance to see the Royals clinch a spot in the post season for the first time in my lifetime.

I've been to a game before alone but it was still a bit awkward sitting, so after the fourth inning I stood behind home plate and watched there until the 9th. During the 6th, I started getting a bit emotional. I started thinking back on how long I've been a fan, and all the absolute crap that we've been through over the years. I thought about 2003 when they let us down, and 2000, when we had over 30 blown saves (the first year I became a fan), I thought about Ken Harvey falling over the tarp, Chip Ambres dropping a ball leading to a 19 game losing streak. When the 8th came and Davis gave up an unusual run, my heart was pounding as he got out of trouble.

That was when this guy in a Royals shirt came over to me and high fived me, and when he found out I was alone, invited me to join him and his friend in the "Royals section," the area right behind the Royals dugout where all the Royals fans were sitting. As we stood there all together watching Perez catch the last out, we all lost it together. I'm talking freaking pure joy. Chants of "Let's Go Royals!" hats being thrown saying "Post-season," and then the best fireworks show ever. A guy in front of us told us the Royals were coming out after the fireworks so we stuck around. They came out again, we cheered even more, chants of "Let's Go Royals," "Detroit sucks," "Billy Butler," and "Nori!" No one left until they kicked us out. I ended up meeting another Kansas Citian who had moved here on the way out and we celebrated some more together.

I'm still amped up. I will never forget this night.

Running and Reflections

I'm finally having some really great runs. It got really cold this past week (upper 40s/low 50s) and it has been a total game changer. I also got some new contacts finally! I can see so much better and sweat and rain isn't distracting me like it was when I was wearing my glasses. The last two times out I ran 5 and 12 and I finally got some of my speed back and had no mental blocks at all. Absolutely amazing. The marathon is one month away. I reached my fundraising goal a few weeks ago--thanks to everyone who donated!

In other news, work is starting to get really busy. The hardest part for me is probably going to be running meetings since that's new to me. It's crazy for me to realize that I'm doing these "real adult" things now--I have a career--INSANE. I have an apartment. I'm paying for it with money I'm earning. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in stress and in being overwhelmed, so it's good to try to take a step back and appreciate how far I've come. Moved here for school not knowing a soul. Now here I sit, with the job I worked for for years knowing I have friends here I can count on. I don't know if I will stay here for good, but I do know that these past three years have been some of the best of my life. And I have faith life will only keep getting better. Good things come from hard work and also sometimes when we least expect them.