Running and Reflections

I'm finally having some really great runs. It got really cold this past week (upper 40s/low 50s) and it has been a total game changer. I also got some new contacts finally! I can see so much better and sweat and rain isn't distracting me like it was when I was wearing my glasses. The last two times out I ran 5 and 12 and I finally got some of my speed back and had no mental blocks at all. Absolutely amazing. The marathon is one month away. I reached my fundraising goal a few weeks ago--thanks to everyone who donated!

In other news, work is starting to get really busy. The hardest part for me is probably going to be running meetings since that's new to me. It's crazy for me to realize that I'm doing these "real adult" things now--I have a career--INSANE. I have an apartment. I'm paying for it with money I'm earning. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in stress and in being overwhelmed, so it's good to try to take a step back and appreciate how far I've come. Moved here for school not knowing a soul. Now here I sit, with the job I worked for for years knowing I have friends here I can count on. I don't know if I will stay here for good, but I do know that these past three years have been some of the best of my life. And I have faith life will only keep getting better. Good things come from hard work and also sometimes when we least expect them.

Goodbyes and Lessons Learned

Had the first of many good-bye sessions of sorts today--my last group session with my Stress and Anxiety Group. We each co-run several groups in a year. I co-run Stress and Anxiety, Women's Issues, and Pathways (life skills). This stress group has been a really good experience. These kids are awesome and really respectful so it's an ideal group to learn how to run an effective group with.

During our last session today we had pizza and talked about things we have learned about/from one another. It was really touching and adorable and full of warm fuzzies. They all said super sweet things about each other and me. One of my girls who I adore and another boy who never really talks really touched me with the things they said. The boy, who almost never speaks, told me that he never really connected with interns last year and is almost glad he is graduating so that he won't be coming back to group without me there. That almost made me lose it. You sometimes don't know how big of a difference you are making.

This is one of the most amazing things about our jobs. As annoying and frustrating and overwhelming it has been at times to be an intern this year, it has also been incredibly rewarding and has taught me an amazing amount. I have been able to truly make a difference in students' lives rather than just be a testing machine. We make a difference in people's lives. That matters. That's what it all comes down to. Kids knowing that someone there cares about what happens to them. Be real. Be authentic. CARE. Honestly, that's 95% of my counseling skills.

Why we do what we do

This has been a really tough week for me at work. It's been mentally and emotionally draining. I had to make two phone calls to DCFS--one being for a kid who has been dealing with trauma his entire life and is still suffering. I saw a ton of kids for all different things. I also had several special ed meetings along with my regular job duties of seeing kids I normally see, running groups, and consulting with teachers and counselors. And today I had a meeting for my absolute favorite kid and had to say good-bye to him, as he'll be going to another school. Even though I know it's best for him because the school is smaller and he'll have more support, it actually has made me pretty upset. Because let me tell you a secret: We get attached. We care. And we care deeply. Even when we've just met a kid. There is so much hurt out there and part of our job is having empathy, and when you are constantly practicing active listening and feeling everything your clients feel, it's natural to take some of that home with you.

I wish this kid the very best. I'm worried for him--He's one I have no idea what the future holds for him. He's so capable of forming caring and trusting relationships with adults even though he has no reason to trust them. I hope this placement is the right one for him and that he gets the help he needs to get on, and stay on, the right path. They say there is always at least one student from your internship you will never forget. That's definitely this one.

This week, crazy as it has been, has made me more confident in myself as an independent practitioner, and has made me even more certain that I made the right choice in choosing this profession. We make a real difference every day. And at the end of the day, I may come home exhausted, but I come home knowing that I made at least one kid feel cared about that day. That's all any of us really want in the end. To know another person on this earth truly cares about what happens to us.

Tough days

In our job, tough days take different forms. There's the terribly stressful and emotionally draining days when you encounter something like abuse, self-harm, or suicide. There are the tiring days that are full of meetings where you have to make your case and have to be sure to know your stuff. And then there are the days when you just feel terribly ineffective.

Today was the third kind of day. I have two kind of secret "favorite" kids this year. Two special cases, if you will. Number one is just a really really good kid who I'm worried about because he's started to miss classes and fail everything. He's really really likable, though, which is another reason why he's a special case. I think there are learning difficulties that are leading him to want to avoid class. Today he lied and told his teacher he had been down to see me when he was really just skipping class. Right now I'm doing everything I can to get as much information as I can to figure out how to help. I just wonder if he realizes how much people there care about him and his future.

The second is another special one. He stood me up today. First he came down during a class, and I sent him back to class because we had a scheduled meeting during his study hall. He ended up skipping out of school early.

UGH. I feel like I have great relationships with these two, too, which makes it even harder to handle when things don't go well.

Next week's a new week, though. The good thing about our jobs, though, is that we can have some a strong positive impact. It's hard to remember that sometimes we can only do so much. After that, it's up to them. The hardest part is to not take it personally.

Internship year

I've been at my internship for about 4 weeks now so I figure it's time for an update on my life.
The first week we just did training, which was nice to get to know our supervisors better before the students came. Things are starting to become a little more solidified with our schedules too. This year I get to work with four amazing school psychologists with three being my direct supervisor at some point during the year. I get to do a variety of things too, and it's crazy different from working at CPS (Chicago Public Schools) last year. I am doing counseling of individual students (both gen ed and special ed), working on teams of deans, counselors, academic advocates (people who work with kids who need extra help with hw and organization) and my supervisor, run groups with supervisors (right now I will be doing a post-hospitalization check-in group, transfer group, a group for freshman students with emotional disabilities, a group for students dealing with sexual orientation issues, and I may get to do another group at some point. I also will be doing evaluations for special ed, but much fewer than last year and less testing.

I also have been doing check-ins with students who are considered at-risk.
In October, I will start a rotation (going every week once a week) to a local junior high to work and get more experience with younger kids.

Each day I learn more and more and if I'm being honest, it makes my brain hurt sometimes. But I think this is going to be an amazing year and I'll be ready to start my real job after this year. It's a good feeling.

Sweet Home Chicago

I've been living here for 1.5 years now. I can't believe how time flies. I was just offered 2 intern positions--one at Niles West in Skokie, IL (just north of where I live) and one in Grand Junction, CO. Talk about a tough decision. On the one hand, all I've talked about for over a year is getting my internship out in Colorado. On the other hand, when I first started talking about that I didn't know how much I was going to love it here. I hadn't found my places yet. Or met some of the great people I now know. After my interview at Niles though, my gut feeling told me that that was the position I should accept. It seems like an amazing opportunity and challenging in a way I need. I have to continue to push myself to be the best I can be. It's easier sometimes to go the route of doing less or pushing yourself less because it's comfortable. But I didn't go into this so that I could just do paperwork and do what comes easily (i.e. report writing). I got into this so I could help kids and teenagers have better lives. And that means pushing myself further outside of my own comfort zone. So this is going to be tough, and it wasn't the original plan, but I feel that it is the right decision.

Just another day in the life of a school psych practicum student

The days in the life of school psychs can be ridiculously crazy and busy.
My supervisor had 5 meetings today, for example.
Meanwhile, here's my day:

8:00 arrive, get ready to test student for social-emotional case study-meeting is next week, an initial evaluation.
8-10:55 test student, have him fill out rating scales, informal interview
11:00-11:45--meet with PK teacher for consultation project on student with behavior issues
11:45-12:15ish--talk with supervisor, eat a snack
12:15-1:00--discuss cases with supervisor, observe 2 students
1:00-1:25--meet with teacher to help with FBA/report on student for SE case study
1:25-2--504 meeting student with seizures, input information from observations into reports
2-2:30---input info from observations
2:30-4--eligibility meeting, initial eval, ends with parent in tears

Happy Wednesday. Can't say it's boring.

Next week: 2 observations, present findings at two eligibility meetings

The life of a school psychologist in training

So you may be wondering, what the heck does a school psychologist in training do all week?
Or maybe you're not, but I'm telling you anyway because I'm in the mood to write.

Monday: Dunbar Vocational Career Academy, South side of Chicago (very low SES, primarily African American population)
My supervisor picks me up and we drive to Dunbar. We get there and figure out what's scheduled for the day. Usually it's a meeting day so if I've done the testing and the report on the student, I'm expected to present the findings to the parents/teachers/student. EEK! I have three this coming week actually. We have previously done testing and observations and interviews to determine if a student is eligible to receive services in special education. So we have meetings, write reports, and do testing.

Tuesday: Walter Payton College Prep, Old Town-Chicago
I go to Payton in the morning, the #2 high school in the state and among the top in the nation. It is team day there which means meetings and more meetings. I may sneak in an observation of a student if it's needed.
Then I head to classes sadly. I'd rather be at practicum

Wednesday: I work at the writing center at The Chicago School which has it's perks and annoyances. But money is money. Although it doesn't pay well.

Thursday: classes all day. Blah.

Friday: Dunbar/Payton
We hit both schools on Friday. We finish up things we need to do at Dunbar and then head to Payton. We usually will test a kid at Payton and then either have meetings or run a group.

I start at Dumas, an elementary school on the far South side in January, so that will be totally different!