Oh the places you'll go

I have been SO bad about writing here. Even though I've been off for about a month now, I was somewhat crazed for most of that. As you know, I've been job hunting and interviewing since the last week of March. That led to several months of highs and lows as I would freak out every five days or so   as I would start to think things like, "Ohmigod, what if I'm the only one who doesn't get a job?" They told us that everyone who wants a job in our field has always gotten a job, which should make you feel better but can also lead to crazy thoughts as I just stated. Anyway, after this happened in cycles multiple times, and after I had many interviews and many McDonald's rewards after interviews, I finally got a job the day before graduation. I will proceed to freak out about all of that responsibility in a few weeks but meanwhile, YES. I did it.

I also graduated Friday. This is an amazingly huge accomplishment that was the work of tons of money, and tons of time and hard work. I moved here in August of 2011 not knowing a soul ready to start a grad program. For my entire first year here, I still didn't know a soul outside of my program and didn't really have any friends here. I had to learn to be on my own and go out on my own, and explore this beautiful city on my own. It was hard sometimes, but knowing I had friends other places was a life saver. Anyway, as you know, I discovered S3 sports leagues and the rest is history. I've met some incredibly amazing people who I can trust and depend on who have made Chicago into a second home.     I know that I have been blessed to have all of the opportunities that I do and want to use this blog to thank everyone who has helped me along the way--family, friends here and in KC and elsewhere, my professors from Rockhurst, and all of the mentors and supervisors who I have had in my program here.
So THANK YOU!!!! Now it's time for it to get real.

Perfect Bliss

Summer has definitely arrived. Today was awesome. I haven't had a free summer in a loooong time so this is pretty much amazing. I'm trying to explore the city more now that I have time and find spots I've never been to before. Today I decided to go see How to Train Your Dragon 2 at the Davis Theater in the Square. It was a really good movie--definitely go see it!

Then I ran down to Montrose Beach. I had to run three miles so I ended up going past the volleyball courts to an area I had never been to before. I had been near this area a hundred times the past summer but never seen it. I found the most gorgeous view of the city and a wildflower and birdwatching nature sanctuary. It was so incredibly peaceful. It made me wonder, what else do I walk by every day without noticing? From now on I'm going to try to keep both eyes open and off the phone screen. I also wandered through a dune area and along a pier. It was so cool. Little things like that make me so happy.

I then joined a volleyball meetup group on the beach. Meetups are events where people who don't know each other just get together and do an activity. This was perfect because I've been wanting to get some more practice in because I'm seriously addicted to volleyball. I played twos with a couple of different partners. I love twos because it pushes me to improve so much. After playing for a few hours, I was about to leave when a band started playing at the restaurant on the beach. I had to stay and listen for a while because they were freaking awesome. They played all these great hits from the 2000s. Several times today I just had the most perfect waves of contentment wash over me. It freaking doesn't get much better than this.  I'm taking deep breaths, looking up, and enjoying the moment. The job will happen. No use stressing. Summer is here.

Sounds of the City

The El rumbling along the tracks as I walk home, Don't Stop Believin' on karaoke and singing along at the top of my lungs, the pounding of my feet on the pavement as I run, the organ at Wrigley Field playing as I bike down Clark Street, symphony tuning in Millennium Park,

calls of "I got it!" playing volleyball at the beach, car horns honking, dance music pulsing at Crocodile, This is home.

Perfect days

I still feel crazy grateful to live here and to have the opportunities to do the things I do. Today was another perfect day. Last Saturday was pretty freaking perfect too. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I'm getting to do one of my absolute favorite things in the world--play volleyball for hours and hours on end. Last Saturday we played pick up on the beach, and it's that time of year that the beach is still not crowded and the sand isn't hot. Perfect bliss.

Today we had a grass tournament. We ended up playing 4s intermediate because not enough teams signed up for 6s. It was a ridiculous amount of fun. We got into the upper bracket of the playoffs and made it into the second round of that. Afterwards we got some delicious burgers and mac 'n cheese at Kuma's Too.

I feel really lucky to have met so many great people here through volleyball. I used to run by people playing on the beach and wish I had people to play with. Not having something and then having it come to you makes you appreciate it all the more.

Chicago, I seriously couldn't love you more. Now give me a job so I know for sure I can stay around for a while!

Goodbyes and Lessons Learned

Had the first of many good-bye sessions of sorts today--my last group session with my Stress and Anxiety Group. We each co-run several groups in a year. I co-run Stress and Anxiety, Women's Issues, and Pathways (life skills). This stress group has been a really good experience. These kids are awesome and really respectful so it's an ideal group to learn how to run an effective group with.

During our last session today we had pizza and talked about things we have learned about/from one another. It was really touching and adorable and full of warm fuzzies. They all said super sweet things about each other and me. One of my girls who I adore and another boy who never really talks really touched me with the things they said. The boy, who almost never speaks, told me that he never really connected with interns last year and is almost glad he is graduating so that he won't be coming back to group without me there. That almost made me lose it. You sometimes don't know how big of a difference you are making.

This is one of the most amazing things about our jobs. As annoying and frustrating and overwhelming it has been at times to be an intern this year, it has also been incredibly rewarding and has taught me an amazing amount. I have been able to truly make a difference in students' lives rather than just be a testing machine. We make a difference in people's lives. That matters. That's what it all comes down to. Kids knowing that someone there cares about what happens to them. Be real. Be authentic. CARE. Honestly, that's 95% of my counseling skills.

Why we do what we do

This has been a really tough week for me at work. It's been mentally and emotionally draining. I had to make two phone calls to DCFS--one being for a kid who has been dealing with trauma his entire life and is still suffering. I saw a ton of kids for all different things. I also had several special ed meetings along with my regular job duties of seeing kids I normally see, running groups, and consulting with teachers and counselors. And today I had a meeting for my absolute favorite kid and had to say good-bye to him, as he'll be going to another school. Even though I know it's best for him because the school is smaller and he'll have more support, it actually has made me pretty upset. Because let me tell you a secret: We get attached. We care. And we care deeply. Even when we've just met a kid. There is so much hurt out there and part of our job is having empathy, and when you are constantly practicing active listening and feeling everything your clients feel, it's natural to take some of that home with you.

I wish this kid the very best. I'm worried for him--He's one I have no idea what the future holds for him. He's so capable of forming caring and trusting relationships with adults even though he has no reason to trust them. I hope this placement is the right one for him and that he gets the help he needs to get on, and stay on, the right path. They say there is always at least one student from your internship you will never forget. That's definitely this one.

This week, crazy as it has been, has made me more confident in myself as an independent practitioner, and has made me even more certain that I made the right choice in choosing this profession. We make a real difference every day. And at the end of the day, I may come home exhausted, but I come home knowing that I made at least one kid feel cared about that day. That's all any of us really want in the end. To know another person on this earth truly cares about what happens to us.

Aunt Annie

Last week I lost someone incredibly important to me, my Aunt Annie. Aunt Annie has been a huge part of my life since the day I was born. She was my godmother and has been with me every step of my life. Growing up, we were always over at her house or she was over at ours because Tony and Ben were our partners in crime. It's actually hard for me to pick out specific memories because there are so many. She always was looking out for me though, saying she had to because I was her goddaughter. She was there for my first communion and Confirmation and graduations. I always will remember her coming over just to pick up her coupons and then staying for hours to talk. Mom and she would slowly move toward the door and then talk there for an hour and then move outside and then talk there for another.

When we got older, we started having girl's nights where we would all get together (mom, Sara, Catherine, me, and Aunt Annie) and have food, drinks, and movies or games. We would choose different themes like Halloween, Christmas cookie baking, game night, Beatles night, Royals games, Harry Potter, and on and on. We had so much fun and I'm so glad we started doing it so she could do girly things since she never had girls.

The last times I had with her were Christmas cookie baking on December 23rd, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. We all go back in our heads and think, "If I had known those were the last times I had with her, what would I have done differently?" All I can say is that I would have sat next to her and talked to her all day instead of 20 minutes on Christmas. I would have hugged her and told her I loved her even though she was never overly touchy feely. And I wouldn't have left ever.

I swear that I will never forget you. I know I will see you again some day. I know you're happy somewhere out there that I can't see. We miss you. Say hi to grandpa for me.