Stupid Chicago, there you go again making me love you

Dear Chicago,

I wasn't supposed to love it here so much. I had the knowing that I was meant to come here, yes. But to borrow another line from Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan, I wasn't supposed to fall so completely and irrevocably in love with you. I always planned on doing two wonderful years here and then going on to my second dream that I've had since age 17, of living out west in Colorado by my mountains.

But Chicago you made me fall in love with you slowly over time. I used to blame any of my random bad days on you. And then the first summer came and you overwhelmed me with your awesomeness. The beach, the lake, the running path, the marathon, Awake, my cats, Treehouse Humane Society, Namaskar Yoga, summer concerts at Millennium Park, Molly's cupcakes, the Conservatory. Let's be honest, I didn't really stand a chance.

And then S3 leagues came and I met amazingly awesome people that have become real friends. And now my heart absolutely aches at the thought of leaving you. I know I can come back. I know that in my mind. But my stupid heart says What the hell are you doing? Why are you leaving something that is being so great to you? Ugh, who knows. Maybe I won't even get these internships in Colorado? But then again, I want them! But I also want to stay here. DAMN YOU CHICAGO!!!!

But really, thank you for coming into my life at the exact moment I needed you most.

Love you forever and always and I think maybe I will be back,

Rachel

The knowing is uncertain right now. That's the hardest part.

Just another day in the life of a school psych practicum student

The days in the life of school psychs can be ridiculously crazy and busy.
My supervisor had 5 meetings today, for example.
Meanwhile, here's my day:

8:00 arrive, get ready to test student for social-emotional case study-meeting is next week, an initial evaluation.
8-10:55 test student, have him fill out rating scales, informal interview
11:00-11:45--meet with PK teacher for consultation project on student with behavior issues
11:45-12:15ish--talk with supervisor, eat a snack
12:15-1:00--discuss cases with supervisor, observe 2 students
1:00-1:25--meet with teacher to help with FBA/report on student for SE case study
1:25-2--504 meeting student with seizures, input information from observations into reports
2-2:30---input info from observations
2:30-4--eligibility meeting, initial eval, ends with parent in tears

Happy Wednesday. Can't say it's boring.

Next week: 2 observations, present findings at two eligibility meetings

more questions

Every time I think it's clear that Colorado is next I get this strong feeling that Chicago is my home now. This is the craziest time of my life. I'm so confused and there's so much going on. Who knows where I'll be next year. Regardless of what happens next year, I won't be surprised at all if I end up in Chicago permanently at some point.

If you want to know where your heart is...

Before I first went to Colorado when I was a junior in high school I had no idea that I would ever want to live anywhere else but Kansas City. When I saw the mountains for the first time, something shifted. and I knew things would never be the same. I had one of the best weeks of my life there, and when I left, I cried, not knowing when I would be back. From that point on, something started growing inside of me--a wanderlust--a strong and irresistible desire to see and travel the world.

I went to Chicago the first time for a conference in senior year of college. I went thinking there was no way I'd really like it since it was such a big city. However, from the moment I stepped out of that cab I felt a feeling of certainty that I would be back and I would live there some day.

And I do.

I guess what I'm saying is you never know when and how your life is going to change. Be open to these moments and let them take you where you are meant to be. Life is too short to live it with regrets.

One of my favorite quotes sums it up perfectly: "If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders."

Colorado feels like it's next. The mountains are always where my mind goes when it wanders. And for now, I'm going to enjoy living in one of the greatest cities there is. A place I once only dreamed about living.

The Knowing

I have the knowing back. For those who might not know, the knowing is a term from one of my favorite authors, Susane Colasanti. It's all about following your heart and following your destiny. Follow the knowing to where you are meant to be or who you are meant to be with.

As you all know, I've been on the fence about staying here in Chicago or moving on to Colorado, or now, possibly even Phoenix, next year. It's a struggle because I've really grown to feel like this is home, I know my way around now, and I have my places here now. But over the last few weeks, the knowing has come back stronger that it's almost time to move on. We were offered a chance to interview for some positions in the southern suburbs of Chicago this week and when I read it I realized I didn't want it. Gut instinct, the heart, the knowing, whatever you want to call it says to be patient and wait and I will find my ideal internship. Being patient is tough too.

I pulled the best wisdom card a few nights ago. It says:

"I am at peace. I relax and enjoy life. I know that whatever I need to know is revealed to me in the perfect time and space sequence."

This is exactly what I needed to hear and what I need to remember.

New Year, New Possibilities

I've been posting this note on facebook the last few years but am doing it on here now since no one uses that feature anymore.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? 

ran a marathon

2. Did you keep the new years resolution you made last year? 

kept several--a few were: joined a vball league, try new things, be fearless

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? no one extremely close

5. What countries did you visit? US 

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?  a relationship, more close friends in Chicago, a trip abroad, the knowing about where I want to live (same as I wrote last year pretty much)

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 

October 7, 2012--completed Chicago marathon. Hiked the AT in May 2012 and summited Mt. Bierstadt in August 2012.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Pike's Peak and my first semester of grad school

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't feel like I failed. I tried new things. (same as last year)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? stomach virus Dec 30th. almost escaped the year without a bad illness.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Shalimar and Shenandoah, my kitties I adopted

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? ?mine!  lol (ame as last year ;)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? all of the horrible news stories on gun violence

14. Where did most of your money go? school

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my trips!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Call me Maybe

17. Compared to this time last year, are you

a) happier or sadder? so happy

b) thinner or fatter? prob about the same

c) richer or poorer? much poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? maybe going out a bit more

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? worrying as always, a bit less eating

20. How did you spend Christmas? with family!

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? no

22. How many one-night stands? Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program? vampire diaires!!!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no

25. What was the best book you read? Hmmmm.read a bunch, it's just hard to recall which was the best.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Mumford and Sons rule. 

27. What did you want and get? to know Chicago better

28. What did you want and not get? European getaway

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Perks of being a Wallflower

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 25. I went for a run, saw Hunger Games, got a cupcake, went to the lakefront, and had dinner with Erin.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Maurice's clothes

33. What kept you sane? friends, family, tv, working out, yoga, my cats, candles, self-care

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ian Somerhalder  (yep, same as last year)  Also, David Cook

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Education, gun violence

36. Who did you miss? family and friends who I live far away from

37. Who was the best new person you met? met tons of new people through volleyball and volunteering

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012: 

Be Fearless, Be positive. Always look for the good. Learn from your mistakes. You can do much more than you ever thought possible. You can do anything you set your mind to.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"I don't ever want to leave this town/'cause after all/this city never sleeps at night." -Imagine Dragons

Volleyball and random thoughts

Haven't posted much of substance lately, so I'll try to catch you up on what's been going on. Finished up the semester last week and just have two more days at my schools before I go on break until January. It's so much easier to only have practicum and not all the school stuff too.

I had the volleyball playoffs for the league I joined this past Friday. We turned it on and got second place! We were just outmatched the last match owing mostly to the fact that that team had clearly played together more than one season and had three guys over 6ft to spike it at our faces while we had only 1 guy over 6 ft. Also, they had 9 players to sub in and out all night where we had 6 players playing four matches in a row. It was pretty sweet getting second place, though. We went out afterwards and had a great time. I love the sports part of the league, but the other amazing part is getting to meet so many new and interesting people. It's fun to have something to do every Friday night too.

I was super glad that I had volleyball Friday night because the school shooting really affected me. I was seriously getting into my own head too much over it. The school psychologist was killed. Also, I kept picturing all of my kindergarteners from Bonjour I loved so much. If some one ever tried to hurt them...

In other news, the main conflicting thing right now is the fact that I start applying for internships in January and my heart is still torn in two over Chicago suburbs and Colorado. I mean, maybe I can apply for both and then make my mind up. Only, that's hard because what if I get accepted into one first and then have to say yes or no and the other places haven't told me yet? I'm going to do some serious soul searching the next few weeks and hopefully divine wisdom will show me the way (I've been reading that Power thought card every night).

T-2 days until Christmas break!