Volleyball and random thoughts

Haven't posted much of substance lately, so I'll try to catch you up on what's been going on. Finished up the semester last week and just have two more days at my schools before I go on break until January. It's so much easier to only have practicum and not all the school stuff too.

I had the volleyball playoffs for the league I joined this past Friday. We turned it on and got second place! We were just outmatched the last match owing mostly to the fact that that team had clearly played together more than one season and had three guys over 6ft to spike it at our faces while we had only 1 guy over 6 ft. Also, they had 9 players to sub in and out all night where we had 6 players playing four matches in a row. It was pretty sweet getting second place, though. We went out afterwards and had a great time. I love the sports part of the league, but the other amazing part is getting to meet so many new and interesting people. It's fun to have something to do every Friday night too.

I was super glad that I had volleyball Friday night because the school shooting really affected me. I was seriously getting into my own head too much over it. The school psychologist was killed. Also, I kept picturing all of my kindergarteners from Bonjour I loved so much. If some one ever tried to hurt them...

In other news, the main conflicting thing right now is the fact that I start applying for internships in January and my heart is still torn in two over Chicago suburbs and Colorado. I mean, maybe I can apply for both and then make my mind up. Only, that's hard because what if I get accepted into one first and then have to say yes or no and the other places haven't told me yet? I'm going to do some serious soul searching the next few weeks and hopefully divine wisdom will show me the way (I've been reading that Power thought card every night).

T-2 days until Christmas break!

...

Coming here was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Tonight, I never want to leave.

Being Alive

Heard this on Glee and it really touched me:

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive
Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pullyou up short
And put you through hell
And give you supprt for being
alive - being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, bul alone is alone,
not alive.
Somebody hold me too close
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through

I'll alway be there
As frightened as you of being alive
Being alive, being alive
Someone you have to let in
Someone whose feelings you spare
Someone who, like it or not
Will want you to share a little, a lot
of being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone,
not alive
Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me com through
I'll always be there
As frightened as you to help us survive
Being alive, being alive,
Being alive, being alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soffygMY__4

Read more: BARBRA STREISAND - BEING ALIVE LYRICS

The life of a school psychologist in training

So you may be wondering, what the heck does a school psychologist in training do all week?
Or maybe you're not, but I'm telling you anyway because I'm in the mood to write.

Monday: Dunbar Vocational Career Academy, South side of Chicago (very low SES, primarily African American population)
My supervisor picks me up and we drive to Dunbar. We get there and figure out what's scheduled for the day. Usually it's a meeting day so if I've done the testing and the report on the student, I'm expected to present the findings to the parents/teachers/student. EEK! I have three this coming week actually. We have previously done testing and observations and interviews to determine if a student is eligible to receive services in special education. So we have meetings, write reports, and do testing.

Tuesday: Walter Payton College Prep, Old Town-Chicago
I go to Payton in the morning, the #2 high school in the state and among the top in the nation. It is team day there which means meetings and more meetings. I may sneak in an observation of a student if it's needed.
Then I head to classes sadly. I'd rather be at practicum

Wednesday: I work at the writing center at The Chicago School which has it's perks and annoyances. But money is money. Although it doesn't pay well.

Thursday: classes all day. Blah.

Friday: Dunbar/Payton
We hit both schools on Friday. We finish up things we need to do at Dunbar and then head to Payton. We usually will test a kid at Payton and then either have meetings or run a group.

I start at Dumas, an elementary school on the far South side in January, so that will be totally different!

Love letter to Chicago

This place has changed me. I am incredibly sad at the thought of leaving it. So I plan on making the most of every. single. moment. from now until August when I leave (*pending internship). I tell myself that I can always come back here if I want to when they will pay me actual money. It's always an option. But the thought of leaving somewhere that has changed you so deeply in such a short amount of time is really difficult.

I can't even describe adequately how much it has done for me. It's worth the money I'm spending to be here. So maybe that helps describe the impact it has had.

My levels of independence and confidence have increased tenfold. I believe that I can achieve my dreams, as incredibly corny as that sounds. Just by moving here I started to prove that to myself. I can learn to adjust to new surroundings, meet new people, form social relationships, explore new things, find places and make them "my own," and become a part of somewhere new. I can go do things by myself without fearing others are judging me for being alone. And this city is full of open-minded people/(ok, let's just say it--liberal people).

So thank you, Chicago, for changing me and making me the kind of person I've always strived to be.

Chicago? Denver? UGH!

You would think I would've learned by now that trying to plan your life out doesn't really work. I thought hey, I'll go to Chicago for two years and then for sure I'll be ready to leave for Colorado. For sure. There will be no question in my mind. Chicago is nice but there's some really annoying stuff too. Plus, my heart is in Colorado. (This is my voice last year).

Now here I sit, I've been here in Chicago for 15 months now. And. I. Love. it. here. I love who I'm becoming here. I love how diverse and accepting it is. I love all the opportunities to go out and have fun all the time, and a lot of the time it's free. I love my coffee shops and yoga studio. I love the lakefront path. I love the buildings, lake, and architecture. I love my new volleyball team and want to do many more leagues through S3. I love the animal shelter I volunteer at. Even my church isn't so bad most of the time. I'm starting to find my way around here.

Now it's not all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns. But that's true of wherever you go. Should I consider staying here next year? Even though I'd have to work a part-time job and get even more loans to cover my living expenses? Or do I follow my original dream and go out to Colorado with its most beautiful mountains? Damn you Chicago! Ugh! This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the easiest decision ever.

My cafe

I'm sitting in this cafe. My cafe. It's funny how places that start off being just somewhere you walk by on your way to somewhere else can become your place. Yeah, they're a public space, but these places no matter how small and unimportant they start off being are the places that make up your life. Moving to Chicago and creating a life here has taken me a lot of time, and the funny thing is, when the time comes and I finally have all "my places" it will probably be time for me to move on again. That's kind of sad in a way but also really amazing to have the chance to do it all again in a another new city. And no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, this cafe will always be my place. Some day when I look back and think about those years when I lived in Chicago, seemingly little things like a cafe along a busy street will be the things I look back on and think, "Damn, life is good."