I can see!

It's been almost four months since I started suddenly losing vision in my right eye while walking through the streets of Venice. I am finally seeing almost as well as possible again. They're still working on getting my prescription just right, but after 3.5 months of seeing partially and blurrily and through old glasses, I finally am seeing the world around me as it is. I'm waiting to see how the medical billing works out, but I am so grateful to the doctors and nurses in Italy for saving my vision. I'm so grateful to Rachel for being there for me and with me and giving up time from our trip to be with me as I was scared out of my mind. I try not to think too much about those few days because it was terrifying and intensely vulnerable. But it taught me so much and showed me human kindness. I remember the man who had had a similar thing happen who realized I spoke English and started talking to me in English as we waited. I was so grateful to have someone to talk to in my own language. I remember the Italian woman who saw me break down crying because I didn't know how to check in to be seen and who found an English speaking doctor for me. I remember the kind receptionist who took extra time and helped me with the help of google translate. There was the kind and competent surgeon who made me laugh before surgery when I was so anxious I could barely stand it.

There is so much love in the world and so much good. I am so thankful to have my vision again. I will never take my health for granted. So thank you to everyone involved and grazie bella Italia!

The last few months have been challenging. I had a retina detachment in June and lately have been very sick for several weeks with the worst sore throat I have every had. I'm finally feeling better. I have had doctors tell me to take time off from volleyball. I have had to stay home and rest instead of going out and being with friends. I have had to find my way back into volleyball and yoga two times now. Yoga is wonderful because although it is very frustrating to have my progress stalled, it is about more than just the physical postures. It's about learning to listen to your body and be where you are.

It's been difficult to learn to adjust to playing volleyball with one good eye. It can be disappointing to not be as capable.  My eye doctor told me that I am still at high risk for this happening to me again. There's nothing I can do to prevent it, so I'm going to keep living my life and doing the things I love.

I have been physically and emotionally challenged the last few months, but I am so grateful for my health overall. I finally am feeling like myself again. So here's to a great September and even better October.

Burano broke my eyes

I want and need to write a little about what has been going on with my eye. So here's what has happened so far. Rachel and I had just finished breakfast in Venice the day we were leaving for Florence. As we were walking back to our airbnb, all of a sudden I noticed a large black spot at the bottom of my field of vision in my right eye. I immediately knew something wasn't right. My first two thoughts were retinal detachment or migraine. I was praying for a migraine because my eye doctor has told me for years that if I suspect a retinal detachment that I have to go to an ER right away because it can lead to blindness if not treated right away. I cleaned my contact lens but the black spot was still there even without a contact in. I took Tylenol in case it was a migraine. I was of course already emotional and freaking out because nothing like this had every happened to me before.

We got on the train to Florence, which luckily is high speed from Venice to Florence. During the train ride, my anxiety got worse and worse as my vision got worse and worse. I started to notice that more of my field of vision in my right eye was dark. I also had flashing light bubbles in my eye. We had a horrible arrival in Florence with a thunderstorm and my eye problems. Once we finally checked into our airbnb, we asked our host for information about the hospital. When we got to the hospital, thanks to google translate and an incredibly kind nurse, I was able to be seen. They dilated my eyes, I waited an hour, and they checked me out and told me I had a detached retina and needed surgery the next morning. I was relieved to know what the problem was but terrified about surgery even though the doctors told me that the surgeons did these kinds of surgeries all of the time and were wonderful doctors. I had to fast until my surgery was over.

The next morning we went back to the hospital. It was tough to be sure all of the information I was exchanging with the nurses and doctors was accurate and what they needed since mostly only the top doctors spoke English. We managed through each of us knowing a little, google translate, gestures, and conversion tools. I decided on being completely under general anethesia during surgery because my anxiety was so bad I knew I couldn't handle being awake during something like that. It was hard to be in such a vulnerable position preparing for surgery and it was hard to not really know all of what was going on because of the language barrier. I remember that the surgeon was somehow able to make me laugh right before going into the operating room by making a joke about how great my holiday to Europe must be going. I remember being given a drug that relaxed me a lot thank goodness, panicking right before they gave me anethesia, and then being brought back to my room and my eye hurting as they laid me face down. I waited a little and when the pain didn't go away, I asked for some pain medication. Thankfully Rachel had stayed around all day waiting for me so I wasn't alone. I had dinner that night with my roommate, a sweet Italian woman. We had a little conversation in basic Italian and English. I luckily was able to sleep pretty well that night and they discharged me the next morning with prescriptions to fill and instructions to come back the next week. I couldn't open my eye all the way yet but could tell that I wasn't blind, thank God.

We got back to our airbnb and I didn't really have much time to rest because we had to pick up my eye drops, pay my bill at a bank, and then go to the museum with the David statue. I didn't want to keep missing things since we had already missed our wine tour because of my surgery. So...I definitely didn't have time to process what the heck had just happened to me. And off and on the rest of the trip I would freak out that my vision would never be fully back, that I wouldn't be able to play volleyball or do yoga again, and then would feel bad about feeling bad while on my dream vacation. Rachel so awesomely kept me from running into people and cars and falling on my face by being my eyes and giving me her arm to hold onto. I felt lucky to be able to continue with the trip and also frustrated that it had happened at all since it kept me from completely being able to be present in the places I was. I also had to go back for a checkup in Florence the next week where I was once again overwhelmed this time because of the language barrier. After some tears and help from a kind woman and a doctor who spoke English, I was able to get checked in and eventually seen. I also met a nice bilingual man who had also had to have retinal detachment surgery. Our last night in Florence, which was really my only day there, we came upon an amazing opera singer who completely touched me. I bought her music and she sweetly gave me a hug and wished me a good recovery.

Being back, I am still dealing with the fears I had before that this could happen again, that I might not see fully again, and that I won't be able to do the things that I love. I'm checked out again in just over a week and hopefully will get some questions answered. This has been one of the most challenging things that has ever happened to me. Dealing with this, processing how it happened in Europe, and trying to find ways to cope that aren't exercise has been really difficult. The things that have been the bright side of this have been the kind people, Rachel's support, and realizing and having it reinforced that it is so damn important to make your dreams a reality as soon as you can because you never know what could happen to you.