I like to stop sometimes I reflect back on things that have happened in that past. I know I've written a little about it before on facebook and it gets so frustrating when I can't put it into words, but I keep trying because they're such big feelings.
This past summer I had the absolute best time of my life. It's hard for me to explain it to people who weren't there. Philmont changes you and makes you a better more complete person. The first few days I was there I was very homesick and the wind was keeping me up and it sounded like someone was trying to tear down the tent and I just wanted to leave. And then, suddenly, within a week or so, I never wanted to leave. There's something about simplifying life and getting down to what really matters that just puts your life back on track and into perspective. We don't need all this crap that we think we do. We don't need televisions and designer clothes and ice cubes in our water. We don't need our own personal bathrooms or air conditioning or doors for crying out loud. We don't need beds that are king size and fluffy and all of our movies and knick knacks.
All we need is nature and each other and connection. Connection with one another, connection with strangers who we might only know for a day or a week, and connection with nature and God. I never feel more alive than when I'm hiking, especially when I'm summiting a peak. Knowing that I am doing it. I am making the choice to keep going and not stop even though it's hard until I reach the top.
Philmont made me go further outside of myself than I ever have before too. I had never sang camp songs before or played silly games like we played there. I had never shot a bow and arrow or gun. I had never made home made silly putty or chalk. I had never led a group of hikers by myself. I had never summited a mountain. I did all these things and more and it has made me so much more confident in myself I can't even express it.
I don't think I would feel as comfortable as I do now in Chicago if it hadn't been for Philmont. Philmont made me see that it's okay to be uncomfortable at first--things will get better. Situations that are hard at first may turn out to be the most amazing experiences. Take a chance. Take a risk. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.
Now, I don't know if I'll get to return to Philmont any time soon, but I believe I will be back there some day. But no matter what, Philmont changed me forever and I will be forever grateful.
