Becoming a runner

Shoot, there's so much I want to write.  You have a lot of time to think during long runs.  I did 12 miles yesterday and all kinds of thoughts passed through my mind.  I kept thinking of why I was running the marathon and how come I can't seem to admit that I wanted to do this and no one forced me.  I think I kind of know why now.

Since I started working out and also from the first time I saw the mountains, I started to become the kind of person who likes to push themselves to try new things and to test their endurance.  I love to hike and I thrive on mountain climbing.  Why I still don't live by mountains I can't really explain other than to say I felt called to be here for a time as well.  Pike's Peak was life-altering.  Summiting peaks at Philmont was thrilling.  Hiking the Appalachian trail was an extremely meaningful experience to me.  I love to go and go and go until it feels almost impossible to keep going.  Then I use those experiences to get me through tough times in my life that follow.

So it seems like marathon running would be a natural extension for me, right?  Well, I think running and me have a kind of complex relationship.  I remember the first time I worked out that started me on the path I'm on now.  I had bargained with myself that I would start exercising if I bought an ipod.  I lingered by the workout room at Rockhurst and darted in when someone else went in. I was afraid people would stare and me and know I didn't belong.  I think that a lot of people fear starting to work out because they fear that very same thing.  But really, people seriously couldn't care less about you.  Anyway, I started running and gradually increased by endurance.  Jacqueline introduced me to outdoor running and I found that to be tons better than the treadmill.  But even after the half marathon I completed in 2010, I think I still struggled to identify myself as a runner.  I used to call it jogging.  But over the past year, I've realized I am a runner.  This is a huge part of who I am now.  And I'm proud of that.  I'm going to train and push myself further and further and it's going to hurt sometimes and suck sometimes but it's going to make me stronger.  And it will be one more amazing thing I can use to inspire me when things get tough.

I am so grateful to be here and to have the opportunity to live in this amazing and vibrant city.  I can't wait to run the marathon here and see it on a whole new level.