Volleyball and random thoughts

Haven't posted much of substance lately, so I'll try to catch you up on what's been going on. Finished up the semester last week and just have two more days at my schools before I go on break until January. It's so much easier to only have practicum and not all the school stuff too.

I had the volleyball playoffs for the league I joined this past Friday. We turned it on and got second place! We were just outmatched the last match owing mostly to the fact that that team had clearly played together more than one season and had three guys over 6ft to spike it at our faces while we had only 1 guy over 6 ft. Also, they had 9 players to sub in and out all night where we had 6 players playing four matches in a row. It was pretty sweet getting second place, though. We went out afterwards and had a great time. I love the sports part of the league, but the other amazing part is getting to meet so many new and interesting people. It's fun to have something to do every Friday night too.

I was super glad that I had volleyball Friday night because the school shooting really affected me. I was seriously getting into my own head too much over it. The school psychologist was killed. Also, I kept picturing all of my kindergarteners from Bonjour I loved so much. If some one ever tried to hurt them...

In other news, the main conflicting thing right now is the fact that I start applying for internships in January and my heart is still torn in two over Chicago suburbs and Colorado. I mean, maybe I can apply for both and then make my mind up. Only, that's hard because what if I get accepted into one first and then have to say yes or no and the other places haven't told me yet? I'm going to do some serious soul searching the next few weeks and hopefully divine wisdom will show me the way (I've been reading that Power thought card every night).

T-2 days until Christmas break!

...

Coming here was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Tonight, I never want to leave.

Being Alive

Heard this on Glee and it really touched me:

Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
And ruin your sleep
And make you aware of being alive
Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pullyou up short
And put you through hell
And give you supprt for being
alive - being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, bul alone is alone,
not alive.
Somebody hold me too close
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me come through

I'll alway be there
As frightened as you of being alive
Being alive, being alive
Someone you have to let in
Someone whose feelings you spare
Someone who, like it or not
Will want you to share a little, a lot
of being alive
Make me alive, make me confused
Mock me with praise, let me be used
Vary my days, but alone is alone,
not alive
Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody make me com through
I'll always be there
As frightened as you to help us survive
Being alive, being alive,
Being alive, being alive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soffygMY__4

Read more: BARBRA STREISAND - BEING ALIVE LYRICS

The life of a school psychologist in training

So you may be wondering, what the heck does a school psychologist in training do all week?
Or maybe you're not, but I'm telling you anyway because I'm in the mood to write.

Monday: Dunbar Vocational Career Academy, South side of Chicago (very low SES, primarily African American population)
My supervisor picks me up and we drive to Dunbar. We get there and figure out what's scheduled for the day. Usually it's a meeting day so if I've done the testing and the report on the student, I'm expected to present the findings to the parents/teachers/student. EEK! I have three this coming week actually. We have previously done testing and observations and interviews to determine if a student is eligible to receive services in special education. So we have meetings, write reports, and do testing.

Tuesday: Walter Payton College Prep, Old Town-Chicago
I go to Payton in the morning, the #2 high school in the state and among the top in the nation. It is team day there which means meetings and more meetings. I may sneak in an observation of a student if it's needed.
Then I head to classes sadly. I'd rather be at practicum

Wednesday: I work at the writing center at The Chicago School which has it's perks and annoyances. But money is money. Although it doesn't pay well.

Thursday: classes all day. Blah.

Friday: Dunbar/Payton
We hit both schools on Friday. We finish up things we need to do at Dunbar and then head to Payton. We usually will test a kid at Payton and then either have meetings or run a group.

I start at Dumas, an elementary school on the far South side in January, so that will be totally different!

Love letter to Chicago

This place has changed me. I am incredibly sad at the thought of leaving it. So I plan on making the most of every. single. moment. from now until August when I leave (*pending internship). I tell myself that I can always come back here if I want to when they will pay me actual money. It's always an option. But the thought of leaving somewhere that has changed you so deeply in such a short amount of time is really difficult.

I can't even describe adequately how much it has done for me. It's worth the money I'm spending to be here. So maybe that helps describe the impact it has had.

My levels of independence and confidence have increased tenfold. I believe that I can achieve my dreams, as incredibly corny as that sounds. Just by moving here I started to prove that to myself. I can learn to adjust to new surroundings, meet new people, form social relationships, explore new things, find places and make them "my own," and become a part of somewhere new. I can go do things by myself without fearing others are judging me for being alone. And this city is full of open-minded people/(ok, let's just say it--liberal people).

So thank you, Chicago, for changing me and making me the kind of person I've always strived to be.

Chicago? Denver? UGH!

You would think I would've learned by now that trying to plan your life out doesn't really work. I thought hey, I'll go to Chicago for two years and then for sure I'll be ready to leave for Colorado. For sure. There will be no question in my mind. Chicago is nice but there's some really annoying stuff too. Plus, my heart is in Colorado. (This is my voice last year).

Now here I sit, I've been here in Chicago for 15 months now. And. I. Love. it. here. I love who I'm becoming here. I love how diverse and accepting it is. I love all the opportunities to go out and have fun all the time, and a lot of the time it's free. I love my coffee shops and yoga studio. I love the lakefront path. I love the buildings, lake, and architecture. I love my new volleyball team and want to do many more leagues through S3. I love the animal shelter I volunteer at. Even my church isn't so bad most of the time. I'm starting to find my way around here.

Now it's not all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns. But that's true of wherever you go. Should I consider staying here next year? Even though I'd have to work a part-time job and get even more loans to cover my living expenses? Or do I follow my original dream and go out to Colorado with its most beautiful mountains? Damn you Chicago! Ugh! This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the easiest decision ever.

My cafe

I'm sitting in this cafe. My cafe. It's funny how places that start off being just somewhere you walk by on your way to somewhere else can become your place. Yeah, they're a public space, but these places no matter how small and unimportant they start off being are the places that make up your life. Moving to Chicago and creating a life here has taken me a lot of time, and the funny thing is, when the time comes and I finally have all "my places" it will probably be time for me to move on again. That's kind of sad in a way but also really amazing to have the chance to do it all again in a another new city. And no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, this cafe will always be my place. Some day when I look back and think about those years when I lived in Chicago, seemingly little things like a cafe along a busy street will be the things I look back on and think, "Damn, life is good."

Change

There's this person I was. And then there's this person I am now. These two people are the same at their core but so very very different. And this isn't a bad thing necessarily.

I think it's important to stop for a minute sometimes and take a look at who you are and where you came from. Everything led up to this moment right now to make you who you are. And that's pretty cool.

So last week I gave a presentation in class on a kid I wrote a full report on. And here's the facts--I wasn't nervous at all. I had ZERO nerves of any kind. I knew I knew my stuff, I was confident in myself, I even think I made it somewhat interesting. Sure I stumbled over my words a few times, but I didn't let it fluster me. It was an amazing moment for me. When I think back to how shy I used to be and how scared I was to let myself shine, I'm so incredibly proud of the person I've become.

I've become the person I've always wanted to be. I'm a strong, independent, smart, creative person who is willing to try new things and also is not scared to do things alone. I believe I can do anything. I can use all of my talents and energy now that the fear is removed to help make the world a better place.

FEAR--False Expectations Appearing Real
(Acronym thanks to my wonderful friend Ciara).

Chicago Marathon

So, I finally have time to write a little about the marathon.
As everyone knows, last Sunday I ran the Chicago marathon.  I got kind of restless the night before, trying to plan out my outfit so it was just right for the weather.  I got it right finally, and found some clothes to wear before the race started and then throw to the side of the road when the race began.  Tons of people wear clothes they don't care about and then ditch them at the start of the race, and then people come and collect the clothes to give to charities.

The race itself was pretty awesome.  You get to run through a million different neighborhoods, and there really are people cheering you on pretty continuously.  I respect anyone who runs marathons where there aren't very many spectators because they really get you through it.  I had taped my name on my shirt which was a brilliant idea because every time someone cheered me by name, I smiled and got a little burst of energy.  I only walked through water stations, which are every 2-3 miles.

Some of the strategies I used to get through it when it got tough (and it got tough multiple times).
-I remembered all of my training.  It really helped that I had run much of the route before and knew I could do it.
-I remembered how far I had come since I first took that step into the gym at Rockhurst all those years ago.  I went from not being able to run more than a straightaway on a track to running 26.2 miles.
-I thought of each mile individually rather than as 26.2 miles.  I viewed the last 3 miles as "just a 5K."
-I read peoples' signs.  Some of my favorites:  "You're inspiring me."  "Go stranger go!  I'm cheering for you stranger," "You've done worse things for much longer," "Running is a mental sport and you're all crazy," "I can do all things through God who strengthens me," and "Pain is temporary, pride is forever."
-I used a few mantras.  At the end in particular I started just saying to myself, "Dig, dig dig dig," to keep going.

When I finished I felt elated.  Never once during that race did the thought ever cross my mind that I wouldn't make it.  I only thought I was crazy once. This race helped me reach a turning point in my life.  I'm no longer a jogger, or a runner, I'm a marathoner.  I have already started using it as inspiration in my life.  If I can run a marathon, I can do anything. I need to have more confidence and faith in myself.

You can do anything if you set your mind to it.  So go run that 5K, or that half, or that marathon.

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself."
-John Bingham, running speaker and writer

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great!"
-Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own

Twas the night before the marathon...

The race is early tomorrow morning so I'll have to attempt to sleep soon.
I've been training for this since June 4th.  Running a marathon has been on my bucket list in the abstract  "I'll do one, one day, maybe," kind of way for a few years now.  And now tomorrow I'm finally doing it.

I've gone through a lot of different stages of feelings during training.  I've been excited, terrified, unsure, angry, and extremely doubtful.  I finally reached a level of acceptance and certainty.  I'm ready to do this.  The time is right.  I just have to trust in my training.  I'm sure it will be incredible.

Like I said on the paper I filled out at the expo--I run to prove I can do anything.  And so I can eat dessert.

I'll have details later!

What happens when Miss Positivity is challenged with crappy days.

I hadn’t had a bad CTA experience in several months so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when Friday I had a terrible one.  I left my apartment the same time as usual, maybe even a little earlier.  I make my way to the bus stop for the #136 and am waiting and waiting….and waiting.  Finally, one comes but it drives right by.  So I wait some more and some more, and finally, another one comes.  And it ALSO DRIVES RIGHT BY.  At this point, I know for a fact that I will be late.   My stomach is in knots and I am extremely anxious.  If there is one thing that really really gets to me, it’s being late for work or class.  So, I’m standing there realizing I have to do SOMETHING.  The red line will take too long.  So will any bus, but I just hop on one—I choose the 144 instead of the 146, the one good choice I made this day since it goes express sooner.  Before I get on, I drop my water bottle on the ground.  (This becomes important in a second).  So I sit down on the 144 and realize my seat is getting all wet.  My water bottle was leaking.  So I move seats, becoming more and more anxious realizing this is not my day at all.  This whole time I’m thinking I have two choices.  I can get off at Michigan and try to hail a cab and maybe still make it, or I can stay on the bus and just jog the remainder to school. 

I choose wrong.  I get off and realize pretty quick every stinking cab is full.  I hop back on a 140something and take it to Michigan and South Water.  I get off and am still 16 minutes away.  It is 5 til 9 at this point.  So I hope on a 140something or other and take it to State and Lake.  I am now around 12 minutes away.  I jog half of the distance to school and make it 12 minutes late.  One more thing about this choose your own adventure (every thing I chose was wrong) day.  I had put my water bottle with the ice remaining in my lunch bag not realizing the reason it had been leaking was because it had cracked (I thought nalgenes couldn’t crack).  So my sandwich was soaked and I had to throw it out.  I was in a funk through lunch.

Fast forward to the next day—Friday night.  I am on the way to Union Station.  I leave super early and take the red line not wanting to deal with the bus.  The red line of course has a delay of 5-10 minutes on the way (This rarely happens—delays are usually 1-2 minutes).  So I get off at Jackson finally and try to find the bus to Union Station.  Now I have a pretty good sense of direction in Chicago by day but when it’s night time it pretty much all goes out the window.  Add night to anxiety at being late and you have me totally and completely clueless.  So I wonder around in the rain looking for the bus and finally decide to walk to Union Station. Somehow I find it and I arrive bedraggled and pretty stinkin’ wet.  Of course my luggage is soaked too. 

TWO horrible transit/getting lost etc experiences in two days.  It goes to show you have to take the bad along with the good in life.  This seriously has tested my positivity.  It’s easy to be positive when things go great in life.  The real challenge comes when you’re faced with stress.  Let’s hope things look up soon.

A look into the mind of a first time marathoner

Some thoughts during my 20 mile run today:

whew, it's kind of hot today. But this is good in case it's hot on race day.
Darn, stupid gps isn't working right. Reset.
Feeling pretty good so far. (at the beginning lol)
cool, race for AIDS going on now.
Huh, Chipotle Cultivate festival. Oh man, it smells good. must go away from the smell. (Lincoln park)
man, this city is awesome.  I can't believe I live here now. (view of John Hancock)
These buildings are beautiful. (on state street)
I can't believe that a few years ago I was staying at this hotel (old Ambassador East) and now I'm living here running by it.
Northwestern University. So that's where it is!
UGH Smokers!!!!
Stop lights. blah.
STUPID F'ING bus almost runs me over.
ow, stairs.
Thirsty!!!!
What is going on (traffic blocked off on some streets downtown)
Beautiful beautiful view (by lake and view of city near Field Museum)
Charter one pavilion!!! Avett Brothers are there in 2 weeks!
Northerly Isle!  This is so amazing!  Beautiful.  I feel great. Don't want to turn around. (10 miles)
Stupid GPS stopped working again!  UGHHHH!  Now I won't know if I've gone 20 or not at the end.
Ok, it's kind of starting to hurt and I'm hungry (time for another gu)
(Note, denial stage building into anger stage)
Holy crap this hurts.
F my life.
(Note: depression stage)
Pretty soon I may cry.
I'm going to die.
Please let me stop.
(Note:  Acceptance stage)
I am strong. I can do this. I'm capable. I can do anything I set my mind to.
OWWWWWWW.
I hope that's 20. I'm calling it 20.

So much to say, so little time

So I went to see Ingram Hill last night with a friend from school.  I haven't seen them since I found out who they were and became a fan when they did a private concert at Rockhurst four years ago this October.  It was a ton of fun.  We shoved our way to the very front--I've never done that before and always wanted to.  I mean, we were like 3 feet away from Justin Moore, their lead singer, who is not altogether unattractive. ;)

We got to sing along and dance and just have an awesome time.  There was this girl next to us who kept trying to tell us stuff and of course we couldn't hear any of it.  She kept trying to twirl us (lol, if you know me this didn't work out so well) and make us hold our hands in the air.  She was sweet but either very ditzy or merely a little ditzy and very drunk.  After the show, I went back and got a photo with Justin and had him sign their new cd.  He's the nicest guy.  I asked him if he remembered playing at Rockhurst and he said he did and asked me if I tweeted that to them earlier in the day (I had).  SO much fun.  By the way, it was a big deal for me to be able to say all this to him.  I've really come a long way in my ability to say what I want to to people I don't know well--let only semi-celebrities.  My confidence in myself has increased a thousand times over since high school and even college.  And affirmations are amazing!  They're helping tremendously every day.

In completely other news, how much do I love this city?  There's annoying stuff too, but I really do come to love it more and more all the time.  The energy is incredible, and I discover amazing new things all the time on my runs.  I was coming home on the red line last night and it was packed after midnight and normally that would annoy me, but I was in a great mood from the concert and kinda deaf and so I just thought, "Wow, what a cool thing to have so many different people all packed together sharing the same space."  And also I see crazy things running all the time--like I ran past people doing an AIDS walk/run today and past the Chipotle Cultivate festival.  I ended up at Northerly Isle today halfway through my 20 mile run.  It's this really beautiful beach and nature area south of the planetarium.  It was so quiet, peaceful, and beautiful, that I took out my headphones and just listened to nature while I ran.  That is something I usually don't get here.

I could see myself staying here for internship or a bit longer.  I don't think I could ever settle here because I need my nature, but I feel sad at the thought of leaving.  I'm just getting to know it and really feel like I belong here.  It's a great feeling.

Things that always make me happy

Running forever on end gives you lots of time to think.  I always think of blog topics while running and usually am too tired to write them afterwards.  But one I thought of today is just so fun.  I thought I'd list out some of my favorite things.  Because as Julie Andrews sings, "I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.

Things that make me happy

-the smell of coffee brewing
-watching the snow fall and drinking hot chocolate
-a new episode of The Vampire Diaries (when paired with a glass of wine and chocolate this is pretty much bliss)
-a good run
-yoga
-reading an amazing book

-baking
-smelling flowers, looking at flowers, everything about flowers
-fall (the leaves falling, the crisp air, pumpkins, cider donuts)
-the Royals when they play well
-traveling
-mountain climbing
-my kitties cuddling me
-crafting
-a good night's sleep
-the smell of lavendar or rose
-candles burning
-finding new places in Chicago
-the summer concerts in Millennium Park
-my friends
-my family
-a meaningful church service
-having no homework
-receiving/sending a letter
-watching the sunset
-sledding/building a snowman/walking in the snow
-baseball opening day
-the first warm day in spring
-coming home after being away a while
-seeing the mountains after being away for a while
-music
-Sara Bareilles and David Cook in concert
-Friends, the tv show


Thinking of things you love rules.  Instant mood booster.

Positivity rules!

There is SO much to catch up on in this blog.  So I moved to a new apartment.  I spent a week finishing up packing, moved on Friday, and am now pretty well settled with just a little bit of cleaning and decorating to do.  My new place is less shiny and sparkly and impressive looking, but it's super cozy and the right size for me.  I have really nice windows that have a pretty good view.

In other news, after visiting home and spending more time hanging out with my awesome friend Ciara, I decided I needed to be even more positive than I already have been.  She pointed me to some great websites and pages on facebook with positive quotes and affirmations. This encouraged me to form some of my own positive affirmations that I now say 1-2 times a day.  It's already working!  It's amazing how different I feel already and how my attitude is changing after just over a week of this. I find myself smiling more, thinking more confidently, speaking to strangers with more ease, and turning around negative thoughts into more positive ones.  It felt a little silly at first, but now I can speak my affirmations out loud with confidence and truly believe them.

I really believe that this positive thinking will carry me through this semester and allow me to be successful. I just started classes yesterday, and while I know it's going to be a TON of work filled with new experiences and things that I have never done before, I believe that I can do it, and that I can do it well.  When professors asked if things seemed overwhelming, I found myself shaking my head "no," while others said things like, "Yes, it is kind of a lot."  I really hope this keeps up.  I think I need an affirmation for an earlier bedtime next!  I also want to learn to use positive psychology in the schools I work in. I believe so strongly in it.  It's amazing what we can do with just the power of our minds.

I also just adopted two new cats two days ago.  There names are Shalimar and Shenandoah.  I've been volunteering at Treehouse Humane Society for two months now and fell in love with these girls (they're sisters!) almost right away.  They were getting depressed in the shelter and losing weight.  I've barely had them here, and they already seem so much happier!  They follow me around and curl up next to me.  My favorite thing is when they jump up on my bed right before I go to sleep and when I wake up.  This morning Shalimar laid on my chest while I read.  I know that it may not have been the most financially responsible decision, but I know with my heart that it was the right one.  I didn't make it impulsively and they needed me.

 Shalimar is on top.  Shenandoah is beneath her.

 The view as Shalimar laid on my chest this morning.

 my new space!

There is nothing like a beautiful sunset!


Well, that's most of the news here.

I go into one of my schools to meet staff on Friday and the will meet the kids at that school the next Friday and the students at the other school the following Monday.  Can't wait to get started and see what working in a high school is like!

"I am stronger than my challenges.  And my challenges are making me stronger."
-Karen Salmonsohn

"It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized. "

-"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with."
-Wayne Dyer

Loving life

Moving to a new city is so amazing because you're always uncovering new treasures.  Today I went on a bike ride with no real specific destination in mind and found another really awesome area of town.  I went along the lakefront path at first which was complete madness because it's the air and water show this weekend.  There were a MILLION boats on the lake and tons of people swarming the path.  It was madness.  I wanted to go bike along the adorable park by Navy Pier that I found a few weeks ago but it was closed--I guess because of close proximity to the air show.  I went back a slightly different way.  I decided to ride into Old Town and ended up going to my new school, Walter Payton College Prep, before turning around.  I biked along the roads for a while on the way back and stopped in the nature area in Lincoln Park and watched the ducks for a while before heading back.  I live in a pretty cool place.  I love how much there still is to discover.

Now, I gotta give some quick love to KC.  Now I may dog it sometimes, but it's only because I grew up there and all I wanted from age 17 on was to get out and explore something new.  But it really is a great place.  If it had my mountains, I would live there in a heartbeat.  It has my family and some of my best friends.  It has the beautiful plaza, the Royals, the gardens, and so much more.  And just great people.  So please don't think I hate it there.  Totally don't.  I just needed to move on and see what else there is to see out there.

Magical Summer

There is a ridiculous amount I want to say and I don't know how much of it I'll actually get to saying here, so I'll just go for it.

Sara, Matthew, and I traveled out to Colorado for a week recently.  It was fantastically amazing as always.  There's just something about Colorado that feels like coming home.  Like I was meant to be there.  We drove out and stayed in Denver for a night--got some dinner with Ben at the 16th street mall downtown--before heading into the mountains the next morning.  We did tons of hiking on this trip because that's what I live for.  We did waterfall hikes, Deer Mountain, which had breathtaking views of the mountain range, a hike up to Sprague Lake which is indescribably peaceful and beautiful, and a hike behind out cabin, which was right along the river.  We capped off the trip with hiking my second 14er, Mt. Bierstadt.  It was pretty hard even though it's rated as one of the easier 14ers.  One of my goals is to hike as many 14ers as I can, so I love getting another peak done this summer.  Sadly we had to say goodbye and head home but if all goes well, I'll be living out in Colorado soon enough.  For right now, I'll just enjoy the Now.

I have another day and a half back home in KC too.  It's always fun to be back here and catch up with everyone.  I got to go out with Ciara and do a few runs with her, including a 15 miler, the furthest I've ever run so far.  I also got to see Grandpa and see Natalie off to her new life down in Tennessee.  Crazy life changes.  Soon I have to head back to Chicago and finish packing and get moved before the school year begins and my life starts speeding up again.

What an amazing summer.  Life just keeps getting more and more awesome.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where did the summer go?

Olympics madness has struck.  I've been obsessed with the Olympics since 2000 when they were in Sydney (That's also when I fell in love with the idea of Australia, but that tends to happen no matter where they are, unless they're somewhere in Asia).  I will now forgo outside activities in the real world in order to plop down in my chair for 4 hours a night and watch the games.  It can really suck you in.  I'm going to try to drag myself away and go out for running club Tuesday night.

Can't believe July is now almost over.  What is with this summer flying by like mad?  This is pure craziness.  I'm just about done with my work for my summer classes and then it's 3.5 weeks off until new classes and a month til practicum.  My feelings toward second year and practicum range from petrified to very excited.  I'm just glad I still have some time left to really enjoy the last of summer.  Can't wait for more adventures in my favorite place--Colorado and the Rockies.

I came across a park near Navy Pier on my last long run.  It had the most stunning views of the city I've seen yet.  I had to stop and take pictures and a video.  Love finding new beautiful things in this city.  In some ways I think it'd be really fun to stay here more than 2 years.  Especially now that I've seen how wonderful things can be in the summertime.  But...I think my journey leads elsewhere.  Who knows what the future holds?

That's half the fun.

Becoming a runner

Shoot, there's so much I want to write.  You have a lot of time to think during long runs.  I did 12 miles yesterday and all kinds of thoughts passed through my mind.  I kept thinking of why I was running the marathon and how come I can't seem to admit that I wanted to do this and no one forced me.  I think I kind of know why now.

Since I started working out and also from the first time I saw the mountains, I started to become the kind of person who likes to push themselves to try new things and to test their endurance.  I love to hike and I thrive on mountain climbing.  Why I still don't live by mountains I can't really explain other than to say I felt called to be here for a time as well.  Pike's Peak was life-altering.  Summiting peaks at Philmont was thrilling.  Hiking the Appalachian trail was an extremely meaningful experience to me.  I love to go and go and go until it feels almost impossible to keep going.  Then I use those experiences to get me through tough times in my life that follow.

So it seems like marathon running would be a natural extension for me, right?  Well, I think running and me have a kind of complex relationship.  I remember the first time I worked out that started me on the path I'm on now.  I had bargained with myself that I would start exercising if I bought an ipod.  I lingered by the workout room at Rockhurst and darted in when someone else went in. I was afraid people would stare and me and know I didn't belong.  I think that a lot of people fear starting to work out because they fear that very same thing.  But really, people seriously couldn't care less about you.  Anyway, I started running and gradually increased by endurance.  Jacqueline introduced me to outdoor running and I found that to be tons better than the treadmill.  But even after the half marathon I completed in 2010, I think I still struggled to identify myself as a runner.  I used to call it jogging.  But over the past year, I've realized I am a runner.  This is a huge part of who I am now.  And I'm proud of that.  I'm going to train and push myself further and further and it's going to hurt sometimes and suck sometimes but it's going to make me stronger.  And it will be one more amazing thing I can use to inspire me when things get tough.

I am so grateful to be here and to have the opportunity to live in this amazing and vibrant city.  I can't wait to run the marathon here and see it on a whole new level.

Marathon training week 7

I'm in my 7th week of marathon training.  Marathon training usually takes 18 weeks total.  I've already had a ton of conflicting emotions, and I'm still weeks away from the race.  I've felt excited, scared, nervous, defeated, tired, and doubtful.  Although I've run several 5Ks, a four miler, and a half marathon, it is still difficult for me to comprehend that I will be able to run 26.2 miles.  I know that I just need to trust my training, but I have always thought of marathons as something that crazy people did.  After all, the first dude to supposedly run one dropped dead.

I just need to remember that I used to think all runners were crazy.  And then I started exercising and running in particular became something that I just couldn't give up.  It may be really hard some days, and you may hate it a lot, but it feels good to know that you did something good for yourself.  And it sure doesn't hurt that you then get to eat way more food without feeling guilty.

On my 10 mile run 2 weeks ago, I started off with a bad attitude.  That is pretty much the worst mistake you can make because it sure makes the 2 hour + run last a looong time.  The weather was beautiful but I was having a hard time moving.  The thing with distance running is that your heart and lungs can handle it pretty easily because you're going at a slow pace.  It's your legs that will make you want to quit.  They can get so tired and sore that it's hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Even when I was done with that run, although I was happy I had finished, I mostly couldn't help thinking that there was no way I could run 26.2 if 10 was that difficult.  However, I realize I was only 5 weeks in at that point and have a ways to go yet.

Luckily, this past week was as drop-back week--a week built into training where your long run mileage drops back to help you recover before another increase.  My 7 mile run Sunday evening went really well and I felt strong.  I took a somewhat different path than usual that was pretty beautiful.

This week I go 12.  That's the longest I've run in almost 2 years since the half marathon in Kansas City.  Just gotta keep on moving.

I am excited for the challenge of each week and very much for the marathon.  Just watching the movie Spirit of a Marathon made me cry. I figure when I finish the marathon, I will either be crying or smiling as huge as I did in Harry Potter world. ;)

What really matters

Coming home after being away makes you even more grateful for your family and friends.  I love living in Chicago and following my heart to wherever it takes me next, but a piece of me is always left behind wherever my family and friends are.  Chicago's a blast in the summer and doing things by yourself can be wonderful and empowering, but the thing that is missing there is people who care about me and I know would do anything for me.

So no, I don't want to move back to Kansas City.  But yes, it is tempting to want to come home to where the people you love are.

So, shout out to all the amazing people in my life, wherever they may be.  Distance doesn't matter if you don't let it.

Farewell June

What a fantastic month June was.  I had visits from everyone in my family--first Sara, and then Mom, Dad, Catherine, and Matthew later in the month.  I had the chance to explore the city more than I ever have before and I actually had people to explore it with!  I went to the beach 3 or 4 times, started marathon training, and have experienced several concerts at the Grant Park music festival--my favorite thing about the city so far.

I had so much fun being a tourist here with my family.  It's so much fun to show people the city you're trying to make your own.  And the use of googlemaps aside, it's really gratifying to show them that you kind of know your way around now.

Today I had a long run day.  I was supposed to run 9 miles.  I planned on running 9 straight and then finding a bus or something to get back.  I got to just past Navy Pier (6.23 miles) before I could tell I was in trouble with a thunderstorm.  I sprinted back to Navy Pier and took shelter inside for the worst of it.  Then I headed home on a couple buses before deciding to exit at Belmont and finish my run.  I had 2.75 left and it was just drizzly at this point so it actually felt kind of nice.  Can't say it wasn't interesting.

Well, farewell June--thanks for being spectacularly amazing.

Living the life you want

Living the life other people think you should live instead of the life you want to live will not make you happy.
We all want to be happy. Being true to yourself is the only way to make that happen. So let’s not waste any more time trying to fit in. Let’s not let other people decide what we should be doing. We’ll do the things that make us happy and give our lives meaning, even if other people think we’re huge nerds for doing them.
Some people are sad because they conform to everyone else’s expectations.
Some people are happy because they refuse to let anyone else dictate their choices.
Who will you be?

That's a quote off of Susane Colasanti's blog.  I 100% agree.  But this type of thinking can be hard at first and it really takes some bravery.  There's also some ideas like that in The Happiness Project.  It means being who you are, even if other people or society in general think it's weird or unconventional.  


Don't drink just because "everyone else is doing it."  Don't go sleep around just because it seems like you're the only one who isn't.  Do the things you like.  Do them alone if you want to.  Do what makes you happy.

So I was sitting there tonight listening to the classical concert in Millennium Park and suddenly I was seized with the most amazing feeling.  It was like God or fate or something was coming down on me saying, "You are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment."  The last time I had this strong of a feeling was last summer at Philmont.  I just looked around and saw all of the lights in the skyline, listened to the music swelling around me, and thought, "How amazingly cool is this?  I live here.  AWESOME."  After it was over, I snapped a few more pics of the bean, because you really can never have enough pictures of the bean, and then made my way to the bus stop, loving how familiar it all felt.


Be who you want to be.  Do what you want to do.  Don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing or where you should be.

Somethin' 'bout the summertime

Went to the first summer classical concert in Millennium Park tonight.  I asked a girl in my class if she wanted to come along so we grabbed a bite and then went to listen.  I was vastly unprepared and without a jacket or blanket, but it was still so much fun.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE classical music and just don't go a lot because I don't have the money.  But the good thing is, these concerts are free all summer!  It's amazing.

At lunchtime, I stopped by the park where the symphony was rehearsing.  Let's just say I have found what I shall be doing every Wednesday at lunch for the rest of the summer.  Bliss.

During the concert, I just thought, "Look at this.  Look at me.  I'm really doing this.  I freaking live here now."  Pretty cool thought.

I'm super excited for the rest of the series and hope I can find people to go with.  If not, I'm going anyway though.  Love it too much to care if I'm alone.  Especially excited for "Bolero."  I've loved that piece since I first heard it in Music Appreciation in high school.

Yoga

I do vinyasa yoga.  I first started doing yoga in February of 2010 at 24 hour fitness and continued doing it for just over a year to March 2011.  I then had to quit the gym because of money and because of moving away.  My teacher there, April, was fantastic and she did a great job considering she had a class full of 25-35 students every class, and the stupid weights' class always barged in screwing up our shavasana (relaxation).

So I was sad to quit and super excited when I randomly found Namaskar yoga in February of 2012 through great reviews on yelp.  It's this studio a mile from me.  It's so great and so much better than 24 hour corporate fitness.  The first class I took was unknowingly a difficult class.  Gina is the teacher and it's nice to be able to get feedback and help on poses with the classes being smaller.  I like her style and that class, because even though it's difficult and a lot of people are ahead of where I am, yoga is still so individual that it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, and also it's great because you can learn from them.

I can feel myself getting stronger all the time.  It's so fulfilling when you go further than you ever have before.  When I first was able to push myself up into wheel it felt amazing.  Gina also helped me strengthen my shoulders so over time I was able to get up into headstand.  Someday I'd love to be able to do even tougher poses but it's awesome because you just go at your own pace and steadily improve.

I have a livingsocial deal now so I have a month unlimited which makes it all even cooler.

Well, namaste.

Day 1: Chicago marathon training

Started officially training for the Chicago marathon today.  I chose the novice 1 program over the novice 2 from Hal Higden because honestly, although some days I love running, others I very much do not.  This way I only have one run that is 20 miles before race day in October, which already sounds insane to me.

The run went really really well.  I was supposed to go 3 miles and ended up going 5.  I couldn't help it!  The lake was glittering, the weather was absolute perfection, and the skyline and beach were enticing me!  This is my first mid-week run and the first long run is 6 miles on Friday, so not too bad during week one.  I have got to start remembering sunscreen though.  I keep getting burned.  Eeek!

I'm trying to figure out how the heck to eat for marathon training.  If anyone has any tips on how calorie intake should change during marathon training, I would really appreciate it.  Food and eating properly has always confused me.

In other news, my roommate is moving out soon and I am in the process of finding a new roommate as well as outfitting and replacing all of the things that were hers.  It's going to cost a lot of money sadly because a lot of the bathroom, kitchen, and living room things were hers.  I've gotten a few things so far but it's going to take time.

Anyway, beautiful day outside.  Loving this June weather!

Living in the moment

You know those moments when you just feel so incredibly alive?  Those moments when you are just living life and enjoying it in that moment to the very fullest?  I think those are some of the best moments in our lives.  I was lucky enough to have a few moments like that today.

The moment that I really felt it tonight was when Sara and I were riding the swing ride at Navy Pier after the fireworks show and it felt like we were flying and you could see the Ferris Wheel all lit up and the skyline glittering in the background.  It just made me feel thankful to be here and thankful to be alive.

Sara's visiting me this week and we've been having tons of fun.  Today we went to some of my favorite spots.  We hit up the Lincoln Park zoo and saw every exhibit.  It really is a neat little zoo and really beautiful.  We also stopped in the Conservatory which is my favorite spot in the city.  They had set up their summer flower exhibits and it was wonderful.  We then went to Molly's cupcakes which has the best cupcakes I've tasted in this city so far.  We got four different cupcakes and split each of them in half so we could try them all.  The most amazing one of all was the butterscotch caramel.  Just bliss biting into that.  We also grabbed an absurdly cheap falafel sandwich at Sultan's Market in Lincoln Park.  It was delicious.

We went back to my place and I went off to yoga while Sara went exploring the lakefront.  I had the most amazing class. I just felt so strong all class and was able to do my headstand again as well as bridge and camel!!!  It was AMAZING.  Yoga is so empowering.  You feel so good when you can go further than you ever have before.

Later Sara and I stopped in a little store and bought some groceries for dinner.  We made a homemade salad which was delish, and I chopped up my first ever pineapple (yay!  So yummy!) and I made some agua de Jamaica which I found out about thanks to our visit to Little Village yesterday.  We ate our dinner out the patio watching the sunset.

Tonight we went and saw the fireworks at Navy Pier.
Good times.

Break has been awesome.  The hiking trip through the Smokies and AT was amazing.  It was challenging and intense and such a great experience.  We met some really cool people and I really hope they make it to Mt. Katahdin.  Sadly, summer classes start Monday but at least it's only two of them!

:)  Ready for some good times this summer.  I'm already having them.

Full Circle Moment

I had a lovely full circle moment today.  I had just finished going to see the Hunger Games for the second time--love it!  (Btw, new favorite thing is going to see movies by myself, it's so relaxing)-when I realized I was walking right past Su Casa.  Su Casa is the Mexican restaurant I went to on my birthday three years ago with Bailey and Blair on my first ever visit to Chicago.  That was the trip when I first said that I would live in Chicago some day.  And here I was three exact years later, walking by this restaurant having lived in Chicago for 9 months and having completed a year of graduate school.  I stopped and took a picture because you have to appreciate moments like these.

#anything is possible.  (that hashtag is for Sara).  ;)  Dream Big.

Reflections

As you all know, I always like to take time to stop and reflect when something has just ended or I've had a meaningful experience.

Today was my last day as a practicum student/teacher's aide at Swift School.  I worked in the 4th grade classroom every Tuesday and sometimes Thursday with the best classroom of students and the best teacher I probably will ever work with.  This year was my last chance to work in a classroom and directly with a large group of students since I'm heading into my work that is directly in the field of school psychology.

I have to say that my time at Swift was an absolute pleasure.  I remember the first day I arrived, it was so quiet in the room and all the kids were working so diligently on their morning work--I kept waiting all morning and afternoon for some kid to misbehave or someone to go off task, and it never happened.  (I had already been working at another school on the southwest side so this was a VERY VERY pleasant change of pace).  And you know what?  It didn't happen ALL YEAR.

The teacher is absolutely amazing.  If we had more teachers half as talented and wonderful as her, we would be so much further ahead in our educational system.  I learned so much from watching her teach.  I seriously would be wanting to go get my teaching certificate right now if I wasn't already doing school psychology.  She made it look so easy.  I loved how she used positive reinforcement and never ever let something go--there was total and complete accountability so little problems never escalated into big problems.

The kids are the nicest kids in the world.  They are all so kind to each other.  I never once heard one say "shut up," to another and that has become a pervasive problem in some schools.  They love to play with each other at recess and don't leave anyone out.  They say "Thank you," not "What else do you have for me?"  Breath of fresh air.

Today they threw me a party since it was my last day.  I brought them in notes and cookies.  They brought me cupcakes, a Swift t-shirt, and wrote me letters and drew me pictures.  We played games and also had popcorn.  I took some pictures with them too.  They made my year so much better and I can't wait to help more kids, but I wish I could work with this bunch again.  Everyone should be relieved to know that these kids are out there and are helping to make the world a better place.

Things I learned or continued to practice through my experiences at Swift this year:
--at an IEP meeting, talk to the parent and always summarize what is going on in language they can understand.
--also, keep the teacher informed on the technical jargon you're using.  Don't assume everyone knows all about the terms you learned in grad school.
--Listen to the teacher, the teacher knows the student better than anyone.
--talk to the kids genuinely and show your interest--have fun with them
--I learned tons of classroom management strategies--the homework chart, the group contingency stars on the board system, the quiet but fun classroom indoor recess games, the bag of sticks for choosing students to participate in class, the huge sticky pad to log things they learned in each lesson (the notes were then plastered on the walls), total and complete accountability--silent lunch for unsigned planner, unfinished homework, small misbehaviors.

I feel blessed I got to meet this group of students and work with such an amazing teacher.