But first, let's talk a little about fear. Fear is the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I'm unsure how something is going to turn out. It's essentially either a lack of confidence in myself or in more serious situations, it's all about not knowing what is going to happen next. I feel this fear in my daily life when I'm lacking confidence at work or trying something new, like when I joined the social sports leagues in Chicago, or when I moved to Chicago and Denver not knowing a soul. I feel this fear traveling when I am packing and get to the airport, and again if I'm somewhere where the main language isn't English, and again when I started learning to dine alone or go to bars alone. Recently I felt this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I went to go play drop in volleyball for the first time in nine months.
How do I deal with this fear? I push through and do the thing I am scared of anyway. And each time I can then draw back on the past times I did this and see how it all turned out. Often, it turns out that pushing past the fear led to something great. And if I'm nervous in the meantime, I tell myself that the worst that can happen is that I go do something I'm scared of, stay for a little, and then leave and go back to my comforts.
In March, I traveled to London and Paris for the second time ever and first time alone. In June, I traveled to Australia solo. I really enjoy solo travel. It's fun to travel with a friend because you can sometimes party harder and you have someone to watch your back, but it's so lovely to travel by yourself. You can eat and sleep on your own schedule, spend your money and time entirely how you want, and you open yourself up to having discussions with and meeting people you may not have otherwise met.
In Paris, I had to be brave each time I went to buy coffee or have a meal or ask anyone anything. I had to assume they didn't speak English and I had to use the few French phrases I know to ask them if they spoke English. Many spurts of bravery multiple times each day. Each time I travel solo I push myself further. This last trip to Australia, I decided I wanted to go to a bar where a girl I had met on a tour said there would be a great view of downtown Sydney. I had never been to a bar abroad by myself. I walked in, ordered, saw a table with two girls and extra space, and asked if I could join them. They said yes and we had a lovely conversation. Then they said goodbye and a new group came and I invited them to join me and introduced myself again. I normally would never do this back home. Traveling solo makes me realize that the person I want to be is already inside of me. She is RIGHT THERE, stuck underneath the fear and insecurity and belief that she is not an extrovert.
Just because I know these things, does not mean that it is easy for me to try new things and go out and meet new people. Sometimes I just want to stay home alone and snuggle my cats and not feel that uneasy feeling in my stomach of the unknown. But the more I do these things that scare me, the easier it does get. And solo travel is a huge part of this.
Next destination for me? Who knows? 3 continents down, 4 to go!
