When you live far away from friends and family, you will probably always feel at least a little guilty for not being around more, or for not visiting longer, or for wanting to have gone out and started a new life somewhere else in the first place. Even though I know I have needed to do these things, it doesn't stop me from feeling a lot of complicated feelings about them. I have felt like I have abandoned people. I have felt as if I simultaneously will never stop belonging somewhere and also somehow don't belong there anymore at all. I have convinced myself that people will stop liking me because I'm not around all the time anymore and I left them. Crazy stuff. All of this can swirl around in your head leaving you confused and sometimes very upset.
I feel better about my decision to move to Colorado as more time goes by. Pieces of my life that I didn't have in place before are falling into place, while other pieces I had in Chicago are still missing. I know I'll find them. It's just going to take more searching.
Family and friends, please know that I love you more than words can ever express. I just had to follow my own path. I can't stand the idea of a life that has any "what ifs."
