2 months

"...the truth is, even when we make self-honoring choices: like leaving jobs, relationships, churches, or even shifting how we show up in our lives, grief will come.

This does not mean you have made the wrong choice.

This does not mean you are weak or that you can’t trust yourself.

It means you are human.

It means you will need to make the choice of integrity even though it brings up discomfort, it means you’ll have to be honest, it means you will have access to and allow ALL emotions and move through them with acceptance.

Because Coming Alive is about being fully human.

And being human means getting messy, being awkward, admitting self-honoring choices might cost you your comfort for a time, and that grief, joy, light, dark, and contrast are all a part of it."

This article from Madison Hedlund really resonates with me. Moving to Colorado has not been easy for me. It started as soon as I accepted the job. I had doubts. I had fears. I had multiple bouts of crying and straight up panic. Thoughts I would have would be, "What sane person leaves a place they truly love and feel they belong for just a possibility?" I think I thought that this would be easy for me to do again because I had already done it once before. But this is a completely different situation at a completely different time in my life. It only makes sense it feels different too.

I have had incredible moments here. Moments when I stare at the mountains and can't believe how stupid beautiful they are.  Moments at my new job that make me remember why I wanted to go into this field in the first place.

These moments have been mixed with moments of sadness and feelings of loss, moments comparing things here to things there, and moments of extreme anxiety and pressure at work. I feel like it's been a roller coaster of feelings. And I was embarrassed to admit that this hasn't been easy, and that it has been hard for me. But that's reality. No matter what I gain here, I have still experienced a loss, and it's still appropriate to have moments of grief. I have to give myself time. In the meantime, I'll stare at the mountains.