Loneliness verus Aloneness

I was going to write this in my journal since it is somewhat personal but I think it should go on here since I think it's pretty important.

Since I've moved to Chicago, I've become quite a master at being alone. I do not let the fact that I may have no one to do something with keep me from doing it. I haven't made any close friends since being here and that means that a lot of the time, I do things by myself. People are nice here; I just haven't really clicked with anyone. And you know what? That's truly okay. Yes, I would love for it to happen, but if it doesn't, I'm still having fun and learning a lot about myself. I'm not the same person I was in high school (thank God!) who would sit around moping thinking "Nobody likes me. Life is so boring. I never do anything." No, I've come to realize that loneliness is a state of mind. And it's a state of mind I choose not to have.

Since I've been here I've gone to two concerts alone and had a fabulous time (David Cook and Sara Bareilles). I went to wait in line for tickets to see the Breaking Dawn cast and then went to see them by myself. I've gone running alone, to the zoo and conservatory alone, to the Museum of Science and Industry, the Art Institute, the Shedd, tons of shopping places, the park, cafes, to see the Green River and the St. Patrick's Day parade, to bookstores, to get gelato, to yoga. I've also done all kinds of traveling alone. I stay home and watch movies and just enjoy having time to relax.

I guess the point is, yeah, going out with people is fun, but when you don't have the option, you can choose to sit around feeling sorry for yourself or you can make your own fun. It's up to you. We are in control of our state of mind. Choose to be lonely or choose to be alone.

Your choice.

It's been a while

me where it all began, McGee. Rockhurst!
Great times with Grandpa on the lovely plaza
This is when I visited Rockhurst and found my research hanging on the wall! I'm famous. ;)


I have wanted to write a few times but it's hard to find the time. This entry is going to be pretty disjointed.

Spring break was wonderful but too short. I got to spend tons of time outside and ride my bike at home a lot. I had the chance to hang out with Jacqueline and Ciara and see the Vow--pretty good, but didn't make me cry. I got to spend time with the uber awesome family. And realize once again, how amazingly good I have it. I have been forced to reflect on things like this for class but also I just am overwhelmed by it naturally---I would not change one single thing about my family or what we have or do not have. Yes, I wish I would've been able to travel more as a child and learn to play a musical instrument. But those are tiny little things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters is having a loving supporting family who wants the best for you and provides you with what you need. And I have been blessed to receive a great education.

I mean, how great is it to have a family where everyone actually likes each other? It's actually pretty rare nowadays.

I also met my all time favorite author, Jodi Picoult, in KC. She's so amazingly talented and I wanted to tell her but they rushed us along so I only had time to say thank you. It was so much fun to hear her speak. ;)

I also have had the chance to reflect on a few other things. I have been privileged to work at Swift this year. Those kids are amazing in every way. Never before have I been in a classroom where every child has such a completely pure heart and obvious kindness. Their teacher is amazing too. Wonderful. I'm learning a lot there just by watching even though there isn't a ton for me to do. The other school I'm at has taught me a lot in a different way but I better not dwell on it here.

Random, but in the past week, I decided to give up coffee for at least the duration of Lent. I'm drinking tea instead. It's kind of fun--there are all kinds of cool flavors and scents to try.

We have been blessed to have amazing weather lately but when it rained today I was actually kind of glad. Nothing like a good spring rain. I love seeing all of the spring flowers too, especially my favorites, the daffodils.

Just trying to make it through the rest of the semester and enjoy spring in Chicago!

Living in the moment

Can I tell you something?

I love dancing. I didn't say I was good at it. I'm so not. But I really like how it makes you feel when you just let go and feel it and let it move you. (I also love run on sentences because I never get to use them in academic writing-btw). Now, it may take a few ehmm, beverages to help me completely relax and be able to lower my inhibitions so that I can risk looking like a fool, but so be it. It's nice to let go and actually completely feel and be in the moment. It's nice to let the id (that's the Freudian id) take control and b$tchslap the superego. Had a fun time the other night staying out the latest I ever have and just letting myself enjoy the moment. You're only young once, right?